Are you Chinese/Japanese/Korean? How come you don’t speak Chinese/Japanese/Korean?
I’m an American. Are you German/Kenyan/Ecuadoran? How come you don’t speak German/Swahili/Russian?
How come you’ve never been to China, Japan, or Korea?
Because I’m broke. Give me the money and I’ll go.
Are you ashamed of your heritage?
No. Why do you ask? Should I be?
It’s just that Asian culture has so much to offer!
Personally, I much prefer what Western culture has to offer. Yes, imperialism, slavery, colonialism, nuclear weapons, and world wars were/are bad. But I feel the West has given the world as much as it has taken. I’ll choose democracy, human rights, scientific inquiry, critical thinking, medicine, technology, separation of church and state, and feminism any day over whatever societal models and ideologies are being promoted anywhere else.
So, what was it like growing up in America?
How do you think it was like growing up in the wealthiest democracy in the world where, generally, I can say and write whatever I want, fuck as many men as I want, smoke pot, major in Postmodernism, worship any deity I want, and dye my hair green without fear of reprisal? Try doing that in Beijing.
What are your parents like? How did they raise you?
Regular beatings whenever my GPA slipped below 4.75. Otherwise, pretty liberal.
How come you never dated an Asian?
I tend to date people based on personality. I don’t normally care about the shape of their eyes or the color of their skin.
Why do you Asians get such good grades?
We’re like white people and Jews (you know, the majority of Americans). Upward mobility and bourgeois lifestyles are important to us. But then, isn’t that the American Way? Why is this coming as such a surprise to you?
I bet you experience a lot of racism?
Not really. Just annoyances, such as now. For some reason, you are treating me as a sociological artifact, but most Americans I encounter do not do this. They just view me as a fellow American (maybe it’s because I sound, think, and act like one?) Occasionally, you’ll meet a racist with Asian issues, but I would never pretend we have it as bad as black, Latinos, and Muslims. Duh.
How come you don’t refer to yourself as Asian-American?
How come you don’t refer to yourself as European-American? Because I don’t have dual-culturality. I was born and raised here and American culture is all I know. Just because I grew up eating Asian food (but not speaking the language), that does not grant me dual citizenship to an Asian country. I simply refer to myself as American and I have a passport to prove it.