fiction:: 4th GRADE REALLY SUCKED, pt.3

Jimmy Lee paced from one end of the stage to the other, holding a microphone in his hand and facing us sideways. He said, "If student no practice, he no go home until he finish 50 push-ups. That my rule!" Then, to prove his point, he snapped his fingers and pointed at one of his students who jumped up, went over to the mat and started doing push-ups. The student, who must've been about 14, did them in rapid fire, as if his arm muscles were springs, bouncing his body off the hardwood floor as soon as his chin touched the ground. You couldn't tell if he was just really in shape or got into trouble a lot. Maybe he just did a lot of these exhibitions. And the whole time he was doing this, Jimmy Lee walked back and forth the front of the stage, yelping into the microphone with this crazed look on his face.

"Sometime, student no listen. No hear what I have to say. He sit in back and make joke with friend."

Dramatic pause.

"You know what I make him do then?" He smiled maniacally and cupped a hand to his ear, leaning sideways toward the audience.

"50 PUSH-UPS!!!" we all roared. Suddenly, we all felt really good about ourselves, like we were really successful.

He nodded and grinned even harder. The kid on the matt behind him was still doing his push-ups but no one, not even Jimmy Lee, was paying any attention to him.

"That right. . . ." he continued, "and sometime, when student no concentrate and show no improvement, what he do then?"

"50 PUSH-UPS!!!"

You could tell it was going to be easy answer hour. This guy was on a roll. This went on, back and fourth, for a couple more minutes. We were pumped. The teachers, who got to sit on foldable chairs while we had to sit on the floor cross-legged, chuckled and nodded at one another. This guy's alright, he's one of us. At some point, the kid on the matt finished doing his push-ups and joined his teammates who were standing in a straight row with their hands behind their backs, feet apart. The kid was completely matter of fact about it, as if he had just finished raking the leaves or something. I mean, he'd just been royally humiliated in front of about 500 people, and he exhibited no emotion whatsoever.

And then they did some sort of finale which consisted of tumbling, assaults on cinderblocks, and whatnot. I almost want to say they started playing Rocky's Theme over the P.A., but I'm pretty sure that was 1977.

Needless to say, the whole class was really high on Jimmy Lee and his Disciples. He got a standing ovation. There may have been an encore, I can't remember.

The whole way back to our classrooms, kids were doing dropkicks and chopping at the air. Nobody could stop talking, even though there was a very strict rule about no talking in the hallways. A lot of kids went home that day and pestered their moms to sign them up for karate at the park district.